


Sleep Deprivation and 50 Foot Falls Off of Broomsticks

by certifiedgarbage



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Newsies - All Media Types, Newsies!: the Musical - Fierstein/Menken
Genre: Hogwarts AU, M/M, also so is jackcrutchie, but i drop f bombs and middle fingers on a daily basis so idk, he is also allergic to public displays of affection, i don't know how to tag, i will help get this ship out the harbor dammit, mild amounts of cursing, slight violence and injuries, spavid is established for a while now in this fic, spot is a secretly a teddy bear
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-19
Updated: 2017-07-19
Packaged: 2018-12-04 02:32:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11545626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/certifiedgarbage/pseuds/certifiedgarbage
Summary: Davey is adamant on following the nerdy Ravenclaw tradition expected of all 5th years: stay awake for an entire week straight to study for the O.W.L.S. exams. Spot is being the worried boyfriend in the relationship for once. Jack has stupid ideas for staying awake that ends Davey in the infirmary. Shenanigans ensue from there.





	Sleep Deprivation and 50 Foot Falls Off of Broomsticks

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, I have too many ideas right now but I have to help get this Spavid canoe rowing and out the harbor so expect some more stuff later.

“Davey, babe, c’mon, it’s been four days! Your eye bags are darker than my soul! GO. TO. SLEEP.”

“No, Spot! I gotta do this! It’s Ravenclaw tradition to stay up for an entire week straight before O.W.L.S exams and my parents did it and grandparents did it and Sarah did – well, she tried to, anyways.”

Spot leaned against the back of his chair, tipping it onto its hind legs and putting his feet onto the library table much to the disgust of Madam Pince. “Damn teenagers doing whatever they want to library property”, they heard her mutter darkly right before the librarian whacked the back of Spot’s head with a thick potion book.

“Ya know, I always wonder why the Sorting Hat didn’t sort you into Slytherin with me”, Spot drawled, fiddling with various spell books piled into a mountain on the table, “with all your ambition and shit about how you just _have_ to finish this bullshit tradition.” He poked Davey’s stomach playfully. “I always wondered how much stubbornness was in there.”

Davey scrunched up his nose in frustration and smacked Spot’s hand away. Why couldn’t he just understand? “It ain’t bullshit, Spot! It’s to show how much Ravenclaws care about knowledge and how far we’re willing to go for it. And the first thing the Hat told me was ‘definitely not Slytherin’ so I dunno…” he shrugged, his sentence trailing off into nothingness like it usually did.

Ugh. Spot face-palmed. Why of, at this very moment of all times, did Davey have to be so unimaginably stubborn? Usually, all it took was a couple minutes of yelling, ten at most, and he was won over to whoever who tried to convince him to do anything. Yeah, that was probably why he wasn’t in Slytherin. “You know that Durmstrang student who offed himself and made the news on the Daily Prophet a couple years back?” Spot finally asked as he straightened his back and broadened his shoulders. Davey was tall; that didn’t mean that Spot was any less capable of being intimidating.

“Um, yeah”, Davey nodded slowly, not knowing where the fuck Spot was going to go with the conversation. “I think his name was Moritz…Stiefel? And he had a really smart boyfriend called Gabor or something who got kicked out shortly afterwards?”

“Uh-huh. It was like finals week and apparently, Moritz lost a crap ton of sleep along with Davey-levels of stress and he jumped off from the highest tower in Durmstrang. Made the front page. Above the fold, too.”

Davey scoffed. “Oh, lighten up”, he waved his hand in an offhand manner. “No one’s ever _died_ from doing this. It’s been a century since it first started.” He shook his head proudly. “More than a thousand participants and no deaths. _None, Spot.”_

Spot squinted his eyes at Davey. So he wanted an argument? Okay, Mr. Jacobs, challenge accepted.

“Studies have shown that 90% of all Ravenclaws since 1850 have had significantly more health problems after they graduate than other house. According to the Ministry, at least”, he said in an as-a-matter-of-fact way that Sarah always used when she gushed about the moon with his arms crossed paired with glaring eyes. “And muggle studies say that sleep deprivation can cause stroke and diabetes, and heart attacks. Heart attacks, Davey! Are you trying to die?”

Davey ruffled his boyfriend’s hair tiredly. “You know, I think you look when cute you start spouting facts and get all Ravenclaw-y. I like it”, he smiled sleepily, a corner of his mouth lifted slightly higher than the others as he tilted his head to the side. Spot always loved that smile.

“I am not _cute_ ”, Spot huffed and pulled Davey’s hand off of his head with a pout. “I am a Slytherin, the greatest house of Hogwarts! I am the heir to the legendary Conlon family name! FEAR ME.”

“QUITE MR. CONLON not you David, you’re perfectly fine, my dear OR I WILL KICK YOU OUT. OUT, I SAY”, Madam Pince shrieked from behind the bookshelves. Race had once made the mistake of asking the librarian in his first year if she had descended from sirens if harpies, pointing towards the magical shrillness of her voice.

It didn’t end well for him. No one talked about The Incident that happened afterwards ever again.

“Yes, ma’am”, Spot hollered back sarcastically. How Davey and various other students had managed to charm Madam Pince would forever confuse him. Jack and Race had made their thoughts vocal that she naturally had a soft spot for dweeby nerds like Davey. Spot on the other hand was adamant that he was perfectly flawed in a way that everyone could love, even Madam Pince.

Everyone just called him a smitten dog when he said that.

Davey turned towards Spot and gently pecked a kiss onto his forehead near his hairline. “So cute.”

“Shut up”, he grumbled back, ducking his face into his arms to hide deep rouge color forming on his cheeks. “Wait...” Spot shot up, suddenly realizing something. “Did you just do that to try and distract me from making you sleep?” Davey nodded as he tried to choke down his grin. “Fuck you, Jacobs!”

The taller boy raised an eyebrow. “Oh, I know you’d love to Conlon.”

“Damn right, I fucking would. I would say ‘damn straight’ but as you can see” he rapidly gestured to himself and Davey “there is absolutely nothing straight about this.”

Spot pulled Davey’s blue and bronze colored tie closer to him until their faces were barely inches apart from each other. “Now I’m positive that Pince will _really_ appreciate us doing the deed in here so I got this one place on the seventh floor in the left corridor opposite of that fucking hideous tapestry where -” “Shhh.”

A thick book was held against the bottom half of Spot’s face to separate their lips from each other as Davey silently pointed towards the mountain of open textbooks in front of him with wistful eyes. Fucking dammit.

“Damn Spot, that’s a new achievement! Cockblocked by a book!” The pair turned their heads at the new voice and saw Jack strolling in with a broomstick in his hand. Spot groaned and rolled his eyes at the Gryffindor. “What do you want, Jack? If you’re doing absolutely nothing like always, can you knock out Davey for me? He’s a being a sleep-deprived idiot right now.”

Jack threw up a middle finger at the boy as he walked over on the other side of Davey at the table much of to the disdain of Madam Pince. She always hated Gryffindors; Jack was no exception even after he had tried to lay his thick layers of charisma onto her along with the rest of the Hogwarts staff.

“I”, he looked at Spot sassily, “am here to see Davey. Word’s been getting around that the Ravenclaws are starting their tradition again and you both remember what happened last year so I thought I’d check on him. See if he’s unconscious yet.”

Spot and Davey grimaced at the memory of the events of the year prior. Caffeine overdose, Madam Pomfrey had told the school after she had examined the twenty passed-out Ravenclaws in the infirmary after they had been found around the library and the House’s common room. Sarah had been one of the twenty after downing nearly four pints of coffee throughout the week and had collapsed while talking to Katherine.

Headmaster Pulitzer had tolerated Sarah the most out of the entire school along with Davey and some other Slytherins and had suggested banning the tradition in worry that history would repeat itself in later years. The entire Ravenclaw house locked themselves into their tower as a response and no one dared mess with them for the rest of the year.

“Wait.” Spot snapped out of his thoughts to turn to look Davey in the eye. “Davey, how much coffee have you been drinking?” he asked in a worried tone, placing a heavy hand on the other boy’s shoulder.

“…”

“ _Davey!”_

“Oooh, trouble in paradise. I should’ve dropped by the kitchens to get some popcorn to watch the show.”

“Shut the fuck up, Jack!” Spot yelled at him.

“…A couple cups?” Davey answered sheepishly. His eyes darted around the room, anywhere to avoid meeting Spot’s and ducked his head back into an open Transfiguration spell book.

Spot closed his eyes and huffed in frustration, pinching the bridge of his nose. Why did he fall in love with such a smart and loveable idiot? He had the choice of half the school and it had to be a coffee addict? “I’m praying that it’s couple cups per day but I know you better than I know myself so it’s per hour, ain’t it?”

“Yup. I’m sorry Spot.”

“Fucking dammit, Davey!” he lovingly cuffed his boyfriend’s head with the back of his hand. “Are you trying to kill yourself?” Spot hissed angrily, dragging Davey by the color up from his book to meet his eyes which had glazed over with worry in stark contrast to the tone of his voice.

“No, I’m just trying to stay awake…” Davey murmured quietly. He absolutely hated making anyone upset whether or not the emotions were directed towards him and seeing Spot angry…he didn’t like it. Spot always showed the intense and fiery parts of his heart on his sleeve for the entire world to see but it didn’t mean that Davey got used to it.

Suddenly, Spot pulled him into a hug. “I hate how much I care about you”, he mumbled into Davey’s shoulder, his forehead rubbing against the rumpled yet warm shirt sleeve. Maybe he was being overdramatic. Maybe he was worrying too much. Maybe Davey was stronger than Spot thought and wouldn’t end up in an infirmary bed. “I fucking love you and your shitty sleeping habits, you fucking idiot.”

“I love you, too.” Davey smiled tiredly and hugged him back, enveloping Spot in a coffee- scented blanket of warmth with his arms. They held each other tightly, blind to the rest of the school around them though Spot always was sure to keep his emotion tightly-locked up in a cage with Davey as the key to release them.

“Aw, ain’t this tooth-rottingly sweet?” Spot peeked over Davey’s shoulder and saw Jack coo sarcastically as he slow clapped after staying quiet for nearly the entire conversation. “Ya know, I really wish smartphones worked in the Wizarding World so I could take a video. The moving-picture you guys got are basically color-less gifs so that sucks. Some people would pay good money to see you have emotions other than anger for once, Conlon.”

A middle finger was cranked up towards Jack as Spot still held on tightly to Davey. Hugs from Davey were always the best and often rivaled with Crutchie’s in seeing whose would feel the most comforting; he thought that it was obviously Davey’s of course so he sure as hell wasn’t going to let go anytime soon. “Piss off, Kelly.”

“BOYS, STOP WITH YOUR VULGAR GESTURES AND LANGUAGE!” Madam Pince screeched, having enough of their presence and sent two books flying through the air towards Spot and Jack with a fierce wave of her wand.

Spot was unable to dodge the projectile; knowledge was truly a weapon as the book slammed into the back of his head and toppled him over onto Davey. Jack was luckier. He ducked underneath the table for cover but as the book missed him another target was found as they walked through the library’s large doors: Crutchie.

“Oh my Lord!” the librarian gasped as she ran over to the boy and helped him up gingerly. “Are you alright, dear? Apologies, I was aiming for _someone else_ ”, she glared at Jack pointedly.

Jack scoffed at her reaction though a smidgeon of worry for Crutchie leaked into his tone. “Why does she have a soft spot for Crutchie? I thought she hated having Hufflepuffs and literally every single house in here except for the Ravenclaws.”

“She only doesn’t like us in here because we keep on bringing food to share with everyone else while we study”, Crutchie answered as he finally managed to escape Madam Pince’s fussing over him and walked over to the table with his crutch in arm. “Also because we supply everybody with coffee and the library is slowly being filled up with students being way too hyper on caffeine. Hiya Jack. Davey, Spot.”

“Greetings Crutchie, my ray of sunshine”, Jack mumbled a reply as he gave him a welcoming kiss-hello and pulled him onto his lap. “You need me for somethin’ or are you here to help me make fun of Spot and Davey?”

Spot gagged in exaggerated disgust at the scene. “And he says that we’re being the sickeningly sweet couple”, he snickered, earning himself a tinkling laugh from Davey that momentarily forced Spot to forget the utter exhaustion behind the joy. Davey hadn’t been happy as much as usual for the sleepless nights had slowly started to paint dark bags underneath his eyes instead of a smile.

He took another moment to gaze at Davey. Many students despised inter-House relationships and had shunned Davey for association with a Slytherin but he neither of them cared. Davey had stick by Spot the moment they had met on the Hogwarts Express and stayed that way as friends until Spot finally realized that he had fallen deeply in love with those gorgeous blue eyes.

It couldn’t be helped; some things were just meant to be and Spot feeling butterflies in his stomach whenever he saw his dork be thrust into the embrace of happiness was one of them.

“Yo Spot, can you stop staring at Davey like a lovesick puppy for a hot minute?” Jack chuckled jokingly, snapping him out of his train of thought. Spot glared menacingly at him whilst Davey’s cheeks had begun to blush scarlet, the color glowing more fiercely than usual on his sickly pale skin.

Crutchie who was still perched on Jack’s lap smiled at the scene on front of him. They really needed to go on a double-date before the school year ended. The possibilities of places they could get kicked out of were endless.

He slid off his of seat, prompting Jack to whine a bit. “Speaking of Spot, I actually came here to see him. Mcgonagall said that she wanted to see us in her office”, he said as he picked up his crutch from leaning onto a side of the table, ready to leave.

“Whatever she thinks I did, I didn’t do it and if I did, she has no proof”, Spot drawled out automatically. He didn’t pull as much shenanigans and pranks as he used to. From the moment news had broke out around the school that he and Davey had become official, the teachers had placed more pressure onto Davey to keep Spot in line and under control. And anybody who knew who Davey was knew that he had enough on his shoulders.

Crutchie shook his head reassuringly. “Nah, don’t worry”, he said warmly, “Hooch’s orders, too. Mcgonagall said that they’re calling us up to talk about if we want to still be Captains for Quidditch next year on top of N.E.W.T.S. classes next year.”

“Hmmhm”, Jack nodded in confirmation. “Mcgonagall already talked to me and she said that Sarah’s been trying to pick a new captain to take over after graduation.” He leaned upwards from his seat for a quick peck farewell from Crutchie.

“We better start going now or they’ll get real pissed off.” Crutchie lightly grabbed the crook of Spot’s elbow to pull him up and away from Davey but to no avail. “C’mon, we gotta go!” he whined in a way that greatly resembled the way Les always sounded when he caught Davey trying to move into the bookstore again.

Spot groaned thunderously and longingly towards the boy next to him. “Alright, fine, just wait a sec.” He quickly stood up and placed a gentle kiss onto the tip of Davey’s nose. “Try not to kill yourself, Jacobs”, he whispered in a tone he reserved for Davey and only Davey. Spot’s fingertips lingered near his cheekbones for a few seconds until he dragged himself away from thoughts of crystal clear blue eyes that always blessed his dreams.

He turned around towards Jack to roughen up his tone but mainly for the purpose of regaining his tough demeanor of course; he’d shown enough public affection for one day. “And you”, Spot barked and pointed at him, “keep him” he pointed at Davey “alive. Get him to go to sleep. How? I don’t give a crap but he has to be alive. _Alive, Kelly._ ”

And with a flaunty huff, Spot marched through the oaken library into the candlelit stone hallway towards Professor Mcgonagall’s office with Crutchie in hand.

As soon as the two’s backs had vanished from view, Davey immediately faced Jack with pleading eyes. “You’re not gonna do what Spot said, are you?” he asked in hushed tones as he smiled desperately. Jack hated that smile. Much like whenever Crutchie smiled as if life wasn’t constantly launching lemons at him, it usually got him to do whatever Davey wanted. “You know how much this means to me, right?”

Jesus fucking Christ, Jack thought. He couldn’t fight this.

“You’re my best friend, Dave”, he choked out pridefully as he placed a hand onto Davey’s shoulder, “and no matter how much I somehow agree with your boyfriend for once that you’re being a suicidal nerd for doing this, you are remarkably resembling Trina from Falsettos- wait how do you not know what Falsettos is? YOU’RE A HALF-BLOOD WHO LIVES IN THE MUGGLE WORLD IN THE SUMMER HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW MUSICALS? Anyways, you look like Trina during ‘I’m Breaking Down’ and I am getting increasingly worried so I’m gonna help you on this so you can be as sleep deprived as you want.”

“Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you”, Davey pulled Jack into a brief hug of relief. “So do you have any ideas on how, though?” Granted, Jack’s ideas were always horrifyingly dangerous or stupid or more commonly, both but he was desperate. Coffee wasn’t going to last very long if the house-elves were being instructed by the Hogwarts staff to limit the amount given to students.

Jack shrugged. “Well, I dunno if you’ll like it. Or if you can handle it. You’ve never been pounded into the ground by Spot Conlon during Quidditch and I really don’t need him to be after my beautiful head if anything goes wrong.”

Davey shook his head furiously, his increasingly unkempt hair getting wilder and wilder by the hour. “I will do anything to stay awake, Jackie. It’s like, what? A couple more days? I have to!” he pleaded. His eyes were bloodshot as he screamed in a whispering voice. How that works? Jack had no idea. “And if Spot finally decides to kill you, I can hug him back while you run away. He’s a teddy bear, really.”

“If Spot is a teddy bear, then Crutchie is the saintliest of all angels.” He looked at Davey questionably.

“Please.”

“Okaaay. How do you feel about flying a broom-”

It was now Davey’s turn to stare Jack confusedly like he always did whenever he started to scream out a random prank or idea during dinner time for the whole hall to hear. “What the fuck, Jackie?”

“-at night?”

Davey began to pack his notebooks and pens (he had no idea why wizards refused to use pens or pens so he smuggled in a hundred of them at the beginning of the year along with a couple hundred more for Les to sell to other students who were confounded by a stick that spits out ink without spilling) into his bag, put on his coat, and stood up from his chair. “That has got to be the stupidest think I have ever heard from you yet. Let’s do this shit.”

“Alright!” Jack clapped him on the back with a grin and grabbed his broom from the floor. “I knew bringing my broomstick was a good idea. Welcome to the idiotic side, David Jacobs!”

 

-

 

“FUCKING HELL, JACK KELLY. I LEFT YOU WITH MY BOYFRIEND FOR AN HOUR AND NOW HE’S IN THE INFIRMARY THE NEXT MORNING WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED?!?”

**Author's Note:**

> Constructive criticism will be greatly appreciated, please and thank you since I currently hate how I wrote half of this so far. Validation would be nice maybe? but you don't have to so anyways, DFTBA to all. :)


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